What is coaching?

Wikipedia describes coaching as:

Coaching is a form of development in which an experienced person, called a coach, supports a learner or client in achieving a specific personal or professional goal by providing training and guidance.

Even though correct, it sounds rather matter of fact and unemotional, which is why Wikipedia is not in the field of coaching or trying to be.

If you would meet me somewhere, we got chatting and you asked me what coaching  is (Expat & Wellbeing coaching is simply a niche within the broader arena of coaching. Think about a niche and chances are high you nowadays find a coach in it), I would most likely make it a little more fun and relatable to you (and also because I am curious about people and what excites them) and ask you

“What is a dream in your life you always wanted to achieve, but for whatever reason has not yet materialized”?

I do not know any person who does not have a dream or goal when you dive deeper during a conversation.

The “Blank stare” people

Strangely when you ask some people out of the blue about how their ideal life would look like if they could have anything they wanted in all areas of their life, they give you the blank stare.  

They have never allowed themselves or were never encouraged to dream, let alone going for that dream and using their inner resources and creativity to get what they want.  They probably do not even believe yet that they have the strength needed.      

The person who is ready to be coached

Most people working with a coach are already well past that “blank stare” stage and know their goal, because they have done, in at least some areas of their life, their inner homework and are committed to invest time and money because they see that the achievement of their goals and how it will benefit their life is worth the time, effort, occasional discomfort and money.  

Some people might feel with every fiber of their being that they want to become the next Fortune 500 CEO for whatever reason it may be. It can be any goal from having a better work-life balance, building a stronger Sales team, or improving your communication with your partner.   It could even mean that you want to learn how not to care so much when people say you waste your life by not wanting to have ambitious goals.       

The Coach/Client relationship – Teamwork, trust, open-mindedness, flexibility

Goals are not static, they evolve, might change completely and that is totally fine.    You might have one today and once you have achieved it, you realize that the success of having achieved the first grew your self-confidence and now you want to improve other areas of your life too.

Goals are as diverse as people and a smaller personal goal such as for example becoming a better listener to your children is just as important as the goal of becoming a political leader to change the world.  No goal is too small or too big if it truly matters to you to get closer to your happiness and purpose in life.  

The coach will guide you from your desire and commitment of your goal to the achievement. A good coach will encourage and help you through various techniques to find your own answers and solutions getting to your goal.  

A coach is your accountability partner, helps you gain clarity and perspective, works with you on an action plan and follow through.    

We all have inner resources, but many of us have never learnt to tap into them, because it is not necessarily something strongly encouraged in a world where it is easier to lead people who follow rather than becoming independent thinkers and living the life you are meant to live.

What coaching is not?

A coach is no fairy godmother or magician and will never guarantee you that you will achieve your goals. That does not sound like a good sales pitch for high sales conversion, am I right?  

But it is the truth and you will save yourself a lot of money and the coach precious time if you accept that reality.  And you can easily weed out the coaches who promise you a happy end, before they even talked to you.

It is not that their magic wand is defect, it is that you should trust yourself and that in every situation with some help of your coach, you are able to find a solution yourself.     

Coach versus Consultant

Many coaches are also specialists in their chosen coaching niche and therefore have the skills to also execute plans for you, but those would be consultancy tasks.  Be very clear on what you need, a coach, a consultant or both.  If you need both, coaching and consultancy sessions should be clearly defined as such.  Coaches by definition are not to give their opinions or advice, unless specifically asked.

But here is the catch, coaching will only work if you are TRULY committed to achieving your goal. If you are not committed, the best coach in the world will not be able to help.   

The coaching process is not about hand holding, even though your coach will motivate you and keep you on track, it is about you being responsible for your own life, making choices and taking actions that you truly feel are right for you (nobody else knows you better than yourself). You are the captain of the ship in the coaching sessions, the coach is helping you to follow your life compass.

Coaching has proven to have helped many people to reach their personal and professional goals, but you can bet that every one of them who worked with a coach was ready to do what it takes and getting out of their comfort zone to move forward in their life.

If you feel discomfort and fear, but know the goal is right for you, move forward

It is not always an easy ride, but a coach is there to go the journey with you. Lifts you up when you occasionally stumble, helps you gain perspective when you have moments of doubt, enables you to gain clarity when you go through a dark tunnel on that journey, makes a U-turn with you should you realize the path needs to be re-adjusted. A coach will celebrate with you every milestone you have achieved until you run through the finishing line.

Walking the talk

I still have many goals too, but for each of them I ask myself this question

“If I do not achieve those goals, how does it make me feel?”

The honest answer is, that not achieving some goals would not have a negative impact on my life, they would be nice to achieve, but if not it would also be ok and I would not regret it.  Or to say it more blandly, the goal is not important enough for me to get out of my comfort zone and do what it takes no matter what.   Clearly those “would be nice to achieve goals” are not part of my inner compass (at least not at this moment).

Then there are other goals I have and I feel deep sadness and regret in the pit of my stomach if I would not achieve them or at least do all I can to get as close as possible to them.

If the thought of not achieving one or several of your goals brings up negative feelings or regret and you know that not achieving them will have a negative impact on your life and you know achieving them could bring you closer to your personal happiness, then those are the goals you have the highest chances of achieving with the help of a coach.